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Att veta vad som är våra egna behov, tankar och ställningstagande är oerhört svårt - eftersom vi så ofta reagerar instinktivt.
Det är balansen mellan två urkrafter - samhörighetens och individualitetens - som avgör varje individs nivå av differentierat själv - hur reaktiva vi är. I en och samma familj kan det finnas stora variationer.

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2. Differentiering av eget själv

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